The World is Upside Down

So we had a prenatal visit on Oct 4 and everything looked great and baby doing well.  So I wasn't concerned Sunday October 7 when I wasn't feeling well.  I thought I had just overexerted myself with all the house cleaning, cooking, and running around of the weekend.  I crashed on the couch complaining of pains and crampiness but again- I wasn't too concerned.  I didn't sleep at all that night because I was so uncomfortable.  I thought I was developing a UTI or some other innocuous condition. 

I decided I should probably call the doctor about it in case I needed an antibiotic or something.  Thankfully they squeezed me in that day, Monday Oct. 8th, a day I would not soon forget.

The appointment seemed to go normally, that is until they used the doppler to check the heartbeat.  I laid back on the table and let them use the doppler like they had at every other appointment.  Only this time, it seemed as though they were having trouble finding the heart beat.  It felt as though I laid there for an eternity anxiously waiting to hear that thump, thump, thump.  Nothing- other than the sound of my own blood rushing through my veins.  The Dr. suggested we take a break and allow the baby to move into a different position while we talked a little and we would give it another shot.  I was trying to not allow the panic to build- thinking "I was just here Thursday and everything was fine- baby is just giving mom a run for her money"

We set out to try again and by now I was starting to feel slightly anxious.  She slid the probe all around looking for his heart beat and still nothing.  After what seemed like forever I heard what sounded like his heart but it was so slow- I was convinced they found my heart rate.  She too looked a little nervous and asked for my wrist so she could take my pulse to confirm.  My heart started to race and I felt I couldn't catch my breath.  She said my pulse was 110- the reading on the doppler was 68 beats a minute- VERY low.  She immediately left the room and said she would be right back.  I sat alone in the room, everything spinning and not sure what was going on.  I couldn't get my thoughts straight and after forever she returned only to tell me that they were ordering an emergency ultrasound to figure out what was going on- what with all the crampiness and low heart rate it was definitely something to investigate and immediately!

They whisked me into the ultrasound room and I was actually afraid of the news I might hear.  I saw the baby on the screen and he was moving all around but when they focused on his heart it was only beating at 69-72 beats a minute- Extremely low considering it should be be between 120-160 beats a minute!   The Dr, and a specialist came into the room with the ultrasound tech and started talking to me in low, soft tones and going thru the signs and symptoms of a miscarriage and what would happen if I lost the baby at 20 weeks.  They also said they would set me up with a specialist but they didn't leave me feeling very hopeful.  As I was leaving the tech gave me one lone picture of the baby and not one person would make eye contact with me.  I was sure they were all thinking what I was thinking- I was losing this baby.....   (continued)